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My sister and I started TTC at the same time. She fell after 2 months of TTC and I was left behind to watch as she got the big belly, she got waited on by family and why she had the baby shower that I wanted. That baby shower was the Hardest day of my life. I had to pull myself together but inside I was screaming. I remember when she opened all the presents (I was the one passing them to her) I had to use ALL my strength to not cry. I had that lump in my throat and my eye were getting hot but I knew that I couldn't cry. It was her day, not mine. However I did breakdown on the floor as soon as I got in my front door.
Now it wasn't till Mitchy was 4 months old and my sister ended up in a mental hospital with PND that I realized that she need my support. Her marriage was failing, she was getting no sleep, Mitchy wasn't feeding properly and he had been born with some medical problems which consisted of 4 operation in 2 year, one of them being open heart surgery. Anyway I believed my sister need my support through this all. I remember her collapsing in my arms in an emotional break down, where I literally had to catch her as her legs gave way. I truely believe that if I had had a baby at the same time than I would not have been able to support her in the way she needed me to. I visited her in the mental hosital everyday for the whole 3 weeks she was in, I held her hand when Mitchy was in ICU. I was always there to listen and support her. She needed me more than I needed a baby.
Mitchy is 2 1/2 now and has had all the surgery he needs. He is a healthy, happy and very hyperactive little boy. My sister is still up and down and so is her marriage. But I don't feel she need me like she did. She is stronger and more focused and she won't be having anymore children.
I feel even though my sister is 3 1/2 years older than me that we are very close. I know if I need her she will always be there. Her experiences and my journey with her, has made me a better person and a better mother to be. I'm not who I was anymore, I see the world differently, I'm a better person now.
Mitchy at 9 months on holiday.
Jill that was absolutely beautiful and moved me to tears. You are a better person, you sound so much stronger and more powerful. You were fantastic to your sister, who quite frankly sounds like she went through hell and back. Sending you lots of blessings too xx
ReplyDeleteDitto to what Chon said! xox
ReplyDeleteOh Jill, it sounds like you were an amazing support for your sister, you are such a wonderful person.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you did a good job at the baby shower too and held your emotions together!
One day, she will be able to repay the kindness you have shown, when you finally have a baby of your own. xx
Jill my sister and i started TTC at the same time as well. She fell pregnant and Miscarried then i fell pregnant and she fell pregant about 4 weeks later. Then i miscarried. For her entire pregnancy i was reminded of what should have been and although i was supportive to her the pain of my miscarriage was very real to me. My sister and i are very close and i understand completley how you felt. i'm so glad you were able to help your sister when she needed you most.
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