12 Jun 2011
Count your blessings.
I had an acupuncture session on Friday which was very emotionally draining. I normally leave feel peaceful, however I spent this session telling "Kelly"(my acupuncturist) about my emotional journey over the past 3 years. I didn't cry or get upset. I just explained where I have been and were I am now and basically that I don't obsess like I use to about making a baby. She gave me an exercise to do. Which was to think of a true blessing that my endo/infertility has given me. Well I said that it has made me a better person. She said I didn't have to answer out loud and it was something to think about. She said it has to be something you truly think is a blessing not just a positive thing. I'm really struggling with this. She said it is part of this book "Count your blessing by Dr John Demartini" I haven't read the book yet but I'm very interested in what it says. It's soooo hard to see something that has hurt me so deeply and for so long and to take a step back and look at it as a blessing. I understand the reason, it is to let go of all the anger and to make peace. I really do want to be at peace and not just acceptance. I guess this is a step forward from acceptance and I really feel I need to make peace with it but it's so hard sometimes. Sometimes I still feel angry and I hate that, and sometimes I'm accepting it but never truly at peace. It's like this knot in my stomach that sometimes get loose and sometimes tightens but has never really comes undone. I've had more than 1 knot in there at times but at the moment I feel there is this last stubborn one that I just can't undo. It's just so tight. I can't truly let it go and I don't know if I ever really will............ but I want to try.
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Thats lovely Jill and not an easy thing to do. I totally understand your knot. Like yours, mine has it's days. Some days it's loose and I can accept that we probably wont have kids and some days it's so tight, it feels like it's killing me. I can think of a few positive things that have come out of IF, but calling it a blessing is another thing! The book sounds interesting, think I'll have to track it down and have a read. x
ReplyDeleteYes I can relate to the blessings even though its so hard....my blog today is about my blessings I am counting...as without this journey of infertility my self discovery on the way I live life would not have developed and even with such a traumatic event of infertility in our lives...we can still pick ourselves up and count our blessings definately some days are harder then others..the goods we still have and hopefully they say once your in a good place you attract good things then...so Im hoping Im now in such good place even though I have my days these goods will come and I wont force it lol...I would love to read the book to..so to all the positives for us women with infertility....
ReplyDeleteOne of the bessings you have are the beautiful women surrounding you - their support and understanding some days allows you to uncurl the knot even, for a moment. I hope the books helps you find more of these blessings.
ReplyDeleteI found acceptance and it worked now I am back at square one again. But we do have blessings in our partners, family and friends. I think it's great that you want to try it means somehow that there is still hope that thi gs will get better x
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