20 Jul 2011

Why lie?

So I work for myself but I have a company which I run my business under. Now in that company is staff and there are other women that do what I do too. Now I had to tell the staff that I was PG after being asked to do a physical task that I didn't feel was safe. That was fine and it doesn't bother me they know. However I was talking to one of the staff about it and told her a little about my journey. She then told me that C (another worker like me) went through the same kind of things. Now I know C and after she announced she was PG with non identical twin girls about 4 months ago, I started wondering if she had done IVF. So being the nosey person I am, I said to her, "Where they natually conceived?" She looked at me and said, "yes". Now that was months ago that she said it to me but I feel hurt. Why would she lie? I know she didn't know I was suffering with IF too but that is beside the point. Why are people so ashamed about infertility. I mean did it really matter if she had told the truth. If anything people would be more happy and understanding than if she keeps her mouth shut. Really why did she lie?
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15 comments:

  1. a field of dreams20 July 2011 at 16:16

    Unfortunately IF & IVF still carry that stigma. My goddaughter was a result of a FET and her mum is PG again due to a FET. Apart from her immediate family, DH and I are the only ones who know about her IF issues. Especially coming from a Greek background it can also carry embarrassment and gossip. Your coworker lied because it was easier.

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  2. Ree20 July 2011 at 16:53

    Interesting Jill... Like Athena said, some people are still embarrassed by it and there are some people that look down on it, like we are playing God or something...

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  3. Anonymous20 July 2011 at 17:02

    I admit that I am a tad ashamed that I fail in conceiving a sibling for my son. I wouldn't advertise it if I did fall preg on Clomid, but I wouldn't hide it either. If someone asked, I would tell them everything. I always ask those with twins if they are naturally conceived or assisted, I'm just interested I guess, as I would then know if I was speaking with an IF sister or not. She must be embarassed, which is sad, as that means she hasn't the support we have had by opening up.

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  4. Chon20 July 2011 at 17:20

    I guess some people are still embarrassed by infertility, however if I conceive through assisted conception I already plan on having a tshirt made up that says IVF baby on board

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  5. Anonymous20 July 2011 at 21:33

    I don't think it's anyones business how a person conceives, unless they want to discuss it.

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  6. Anonymous21 July 2011 at 08:28

    Don't you just love anonymous comments! Always good for a laugh old Anon..

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  7. Jill21 July 2011 at 08:49

    Yeah. I think if you are too gutless to say who you are then your must be ashamed by what your saying.

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  8. Chon21 July 2011 at 10:06

    I hate anonymous comments, I was going to take them off mine. I agree nobody needs to know about how a child is conceived but we need to remove the stigma of infertility and the sense of shame that comes with not being able to conceive like everyone else. There is NO shame in being infertile and being PROUD of it. You fought it and beat it be proud and give HOPE to others.

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  9. Jill21 July 2011 at 10:33

    Well said Chon. I guess that's how I felt. Angry that she was ashamed at IF and I think it is so important we are open. How is it going to be more accepting in the community if people keep it a secret. I know she ovioursly didn't want to share it for her own personal reasons but I feel like it's a shame she feels the world would judge. I guess I'm just a very open person in life and IF is a part of me and I will always stand up and be proud of where I have been and what I have done. Even thought my baby is conceived naturally I still feel like IVF is part of my story.

    Hello everyone. I'm Jill and I beat Infertility.

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  10. Anonymous21 July 2011 at 12:40

    It's easy to say 'don't be ashamed', but that is how I feel. I feel inadequate. I'm being honest. Maybe if I do ever beat IF, then maybe the shame will turn to victory and proud of my IF journey.

    It won't be hard to work out who posted the anon comment, look at your followers and who hasn't commented so far... He he he it's never a random unless they come with a religious message or some other crap.

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  11. Jill21 July 2011 at 12:46

    Tee, I was pretty sure I knew who wrote it when I read it. I understand why she wrote it but this is my blog and I will voice my option and am happy for people to voice theirs. It nice to have a bit of a fire in the blogging world.

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  12. Anonymous22 July 2011 at 16:38

    Always have your back Jill... he he he xo

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  13. One perfect emby23 July 2011 at 08:05

    Jill great post and I can totally relate to this....My sister in law had twins 4 years ago and she waited a long time to have kids after being married for 8 years...I now ask my husband those twins are not identical I wonder if they had assistance whether clomid or IVF but she has never told but we have never asked....
    When I was doing IVF and when I thought I got my BFP I thought I would want to yell it to the world about IVF and my pregnancy but I feel I am not ready to share that yet...Im not ready to deal with being judged....maybe when Im further along or when baby is born ...its hard choice I know because if I do not try to explain how can we break the silence on infertility?

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  14. One perfect emby23 July 2011 at 08:24

    and sorry I should have mentioned that I will announce my pregnancy that it was long time wanted and hard time to get here...and if people ask I will not lie but depends upon who it is if they are being nosey or they really do care...

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  15. Anonymous1 August 2011 at 14:25

    I think it's a hard one as everyone has their own reasons for not discussing or even discussing IF/IVF. I personally don't see the point in being ashamed of IF, and I am one to openly discuss the highs and lows of IVF, and that it's not the end of the world if you have to go down that path to get a healthy baby.
    It saddens me that there is still so much sigma surrounding IF/IVF at the end of the day we are still human too!!

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