I'm feeling really lost at the moment. I almost feel sad. Now I know you are all probably thinking that I should be over the moon that I'm pregnant but I still can't shake this feeling. I'm not sure if it is a hormone thing or just a normal reaction after IF. I am truly happy I'm preggy and DH and I have been talking about plans and stuff but I just feel that there is this wall that has stopped me from truly letting go. I'm worrying about not eating right. I worry about cramps. Hubby is worried about sex and won't do it even though the doctor said it is safe.
My fear was stepped up on Thursday when I was vomiting and feeling unwell. So I went to the doctors (Not my normal GP.) just to get checked out. She said it could be the flu, "no it's not, you don't have a temp." She asked if I had had the flu shot which I said no which I never have and have never had the flu. She was horrified and basically said I have to have it today. FUCK! The doctor then said the sooner I finish my job the better because I'm around kids and they are sick. FUCK, what now I'm a bad mum for working. Then she said I could be miscarrying. FUCK WHAT! She then went on to say lots of women misscarry at 7 weeks. I felt like saying, Yeah but most women don't take more than 3 years to get pregnant. Bit of fucking sensitivity please. Then she asked if I had cramps or spotting, "NO." Felt my uterus which was swollen which apparently is good. Then she said it could be gastro or food poisoning, Check my tummy. NO. Then she settled for a virus and morning sickness. Then sent me to the nurse for the flu shot. I then cried to the nurse saying I was scared about having the shot. She asked why and I said because I'm pregnant. She said it is safe and if I don't have it and get the flu I can m/c or have a birth defect. FUCK! Well I guess I'm a bad mum if I don't have it. I left feeling like a failure and I haven't even had the baby yet. Then today I told my acupuncturist about the doctor and she said "You didn't have the shot did you." Yes I did, FUCK!
I mean, what the fuck. I'm 7 weeks pregnant and I have no fucking idea what is going on. I don't know what I'm suppose to be doing or not doing. I don't know how I'm meant to feel or not meant to feel. It feels like I'm in the middle of nowhere, blind folded and I'm supposed to find my way home. I feel more scared now then I was during Infertility. I have another scan next Friday at 8 weeks which I'm looking forward to. But I just wish I could relax and enjoy this most wonderful gift I have been given.
Oh love no wonder you are stressed. If you feel stressed speak to your clinic even tho you did it without them (he'll yeah) they can still reassure you and yes it is very normal to feel what you are feeling xxxxx
ReplyDeleteYou poor thing I can definately relate to whats best for you and baby....but to get contradictory advice is very frustrating and confusing...I have not had the flu shot nor had it whilst Im pregnant as I thought it was too late to have it anyways as half way through winter and my GP never recommended it....but everyone has differing opinions...just wish people would give the same concrete advice
ReplyDeleteIts ok, i was very stressed when I started bleeding at 7 weeks and from then till my scan and then till my 8 week scan. I have no been given some amazing re assurance from my clinic and am not worrying at all. Hopefully your clinic are as empathetic as me and can give you the reassurance you need when you have your 8 week scan. Please please try and enjoy it, whats the point in stressing over something that may not happen. You have waited so long to get here so dont let the precious happiness slip away.
ReplyDeleteYou poor thing Jill - big hugs hon!It's frustrating when people make you feeling like our doing the wrong thing, or then you try and do the right thing and it still seems wrong.
ReplyDeleteYou will start to enjoy it in a few weeks time when everything is a bit more settled- don't be too hard on yourself for being worried, it's only natural given how long you have been waiting for this.
I look forward to the 8 week scan xx
I had the flu jab while pregnant and I was fine, baby was perfect and most importantly, I didn't get the flu! I discussed it with my GP at length (and my midwife) and they all said that pregnant woman should all get the flu jab as to get a bad dose of the flu while pregnant is far more harmful to the baby than getting the jab which has no known risks to baby. So I got it and while the boys at work all got the flu (they got their jabs later than I got mine) I didn't. So don't stress, it's fine and natural therapists will always frown on modern medicine so try not to take it to heart. Also, I think your GP is being very insensitive and I would say that you don't have a tummy bug, you aren't miscarrying and all that other jabber that she was on about - you're just pregnant and have morning sickness! If you want to talk to anyone babe to put your mind at ease, feel free to email me at any time. I hope this helps you feel better, at least a little bit! Of course it is natural to feel scared and to feel lost - I know I did in spades but try not to let it stress you out too much. xox
ReplyDeleteOh Jill, Welcome to PG after IF! Not much more I can say than what Haidee and the others wrote. Just know that most of us have been there and please connect with us at any time. You are not alone.
ReplyDeleteJill, have you got an Ob? Stick to their advice over that nutcase GP! I did have the flu/ chest infection when around 34 wks preg and my son was perfectly healthy. Please ask us if you are unsure and we can share our own experiences. You are not alone. We are here to help you through. MS can get pretty bad, so it could just be that. Vomiting multiple, like 20 times a day is Normal unfortunately! Take care and just rest. Go get "Up the Duff" which is a real life preg book.
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